Bureaucracy for Breakfast

Laughing at the economic divide. Featured on NPR, AOL News & Chelsea Handler

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vol XXVI: The Curious Case of the 1% Receipt

Find out how I cracked the case of that “Get a real job” receipt hoax!

“Pacing to and fro with wrinkled brow in a Masterpiece Thea-tah fashion, memories of my own days as a waitron came flooding back like the tsunamis of my childhood nightmares…”

Read it HERE

Filed under 1% 1% receipt 99% LOL bureaucracy bureaucracy for breakfast channing tatum economic divide economic divide economic humor economy j lo kate hudson madonna taylor lautner true food kitchen LOL

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Ah the Oscars!

As the daughter of a Hollywood glamour obsessed momma, I’ve been watching the Oscars since birth. It’s a religion. Plunking yourself in front of the TV starting around noon and not moving until the credits roll hours later makes perfect sense to me. Therefore I am the world’s most revered, learned, brilliant authority when it comes to the Academy Awards. 

Yes Angelina’s leg (and skinniness) was bizarre. Sure, Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth’s thing felt way off (maybe she needed her garden pizza oven as a prop). I’m not sure if Rooney Mara possesses a soul or if she’s some real-life Star Trek type alien thing come to probe us all. What I do know is that becoming a thief and stealing this is something I’m seriously contemplating:

… the outfit, not the person. I also know it made me smile when Billy Crystal said this:

"Tonight, enjoy yourselves, because nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues."

That gets the Bureaucracy for Breakfast official and very important seal of approval! Anyhoo, if you do hear of this coral Louis Vuitton dress being mysteriously stolen please don’t tell anyone and just know that I am most likely hiding out in Mexico and wearing it to the local dive bars with pride!


Filed under oscars academy awards billy crystal michelle williams rooney mara gwyneth paltrow robert downey hollywood bureaucracy economic divide wealth

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vol XXV: Planes, trains and acute nervous breakdowns …..

…Or, how Anne Hathaway made me feel like a hobo! 

“The snow was slushy and when it hit my face felt a wee bit like little daggers rather than puffy snowflakes. The wind pulled a Pacquiao on my $1 umbrella turning it inside out like a bowl…”

READ IT HERE

Filed under bureaucracy economic divide bureaucracy for breakfast gachman anne hathaway george clooney pacquiao la quinta student loans economy unemployment unemployment humor funemployment flight attendant travel traveling holiday travel first class LAX austin

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vol. XXIV: Artist Schmartist

New post! Dear Moneybags, Writers are People (with bills & expenses) Too…

“What is it with people having no problem throwing money at valet parking, tailors to hem their yoga pants, or cashmere toilet paper, but if you need some little creative person to actually create something for you? Peanuts…”

READ IT HERE!

Filed under american horror story employment humor craigslist underpaid artist writing life bureaucracy bureaucracy for breakfast

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For the lean times…

I’m broke, you’re broke, we’re all broke! We’re broker than 2 Broke Girls, but not as broke as that homeless lady that lives on the corner bus bench. We should give thanks. Still, during the lean times when it hits me that my student loans ain’t going away and my bank account ain’t bursting at the seams, I go to a dark place and tell myself, “Screw it, I’m just gonna go apply at Hooters.” 

These ladies look pretty happy, right? I bet they go on vacays to Cabo with their tip money and spend all that money on sugary resort drinks. Who knows. I don’t. Yet. Even Brad Pitt spent time running around dressed as a fast food chicken or whatever. And look at him now! This is the land of opportunity so if we need to dress in Hooters outfits til the dream happens - so be it!

Filed under Hooters broke 2 broke girls bureaucracy bureaucracy for breakfast money economy humor unemployment umor brad pitt american dream

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BUREAUCRACY word game!

I played a little word association game with some friends and asked what pops into their noggins when they hear the word BUREAUCRACY. The answers came back fast and furious - here they are! Comment with your own words if you wanna…

Time consuming, Cabinet, Stuffy, Government, Bullsh*t, Unnecessary Obstacles, Egomaniac, Unproductive, Red Tape, Headache, Congress, F*ckers, Lobbyist, Breakfast (teehee), The Man, White People, Suits, 1%, DMV, Grad School, Slow, Anonymous, Constructed Misery, Runaround, Automated, Complicated, Dreaded, Lines, Bullsh*t (again), UCLA, Forms, Rude, For Breakfast (teehee), USC, Hypocrisy, Corrupt as a Muthaf*cka, U.G.L.Y.

So there you have it! Everyone just loooves BUREAUCRACY.

Filed under bureaucracy bureaucracy for breakfast congress gachman unemployment humor

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Not Bureaucracy just Beautiful

This really has nothing to do with bureaucracy but it’s so stunning y’all should read it. Maybe it’s the opposite of bureaucracy? In any case:

"It was a year when Frankie thought about the world. And she did not see it as a round school globe, with the countries neat and different colored. She thought of the world as huge and cracked and loose and turning a thousand miles an hour." - Carson McCullers

Filed under writing carson mccullers

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Thanksgiving Playlist… b/c I ❤ you

Remember how fun 2010’s Thanksgiving playlist was? Yes/No/Maybe/Hell Yes? Well here’s a whole new batch of songs to keep you comfy and safe from bureaucracy this turkey day season!

DUM DUM GIRLS - Bedroom Eyes

PHANTOGRAM - When I’m Small

LITTLE DRAGON - Constant Surprises

M83 - We Own the Sky (old but good)

and the best of them all: SURPRISE!

Filed under bureaucracy bureaucracy for breakfast playlist thanksgiving dum dum girls phantogram little dragon m83 subpop when i'm small holiday music