Bureaucracy for Breakfast

Moving Day!

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 10:08:53 -0800

You can read all 28 Bureaucracy for Breakfast columns right here, and for new updates/articles please come over to the new digs. No need to bake a pie…

COME SAY HI!

This Makes Sense!

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 12:32:08 -0700

What Would Peggy Olson say?!

Riches to Rags!

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 09:35:21 -0700

First article for Forbes - please take a peek!

“For a while they were untouchable. Private jets, caviar, drivers, Chanel – you know the drill…”

READ IT HERE

vol XXVIII: Cupcakes, Crossbows & Cossacks!

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 10:40:03 -0700

brand new post! My brief flirtation with racist NeoCons - fun times.

“What if they storm my apartment with crossbows one night? This is when lawyers come in handy…”

READ IT HERE

vol XXVII: Ma & Pa Romney in... True Blood!

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:17:00 -0700

Also starring Ann Coulter as succubus & Santorum as… insane

“Pa Romney’s devilish plan is to usurp all the power in Bon Temps and then the world by first eating grits with the locals at Sam’s bar…”

Read it HERE!

vol XXVI: The Curious Case of the 1% Receipt

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 10:38:00 -0800

Find out how I cracked the case of that “Get a real job” receipt hoax!

“Pacing to and fro with wrinkled brow in a Masterpiece Thea-tah fashion, memories of my own days as a waitron came flooding back like the tsunamis of my childhood nightmares…”

Read it HERE

Ah the Oscars!

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 12:29:49 -0800

As the daughter of a Hollywood glamour obsessed momma, I’ve been watching the Oscars since birth. It’s a religion. Plunking yourself in front of the TV starting around noon and not moving until the credits roll hours later makes perfect sense to me. Therefore I am the world’s most revered, learned, brilliant authority when it comes to the Academy Awards.

Yes Angelina’s leg (and skinniness) was bizarre. Sure, Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth’s thing felt way off (maybe she needed her garden pizza oven as a prop). I’m not sure if Rooney Mara possesses a soul or if she’s some real-life Star Trek type alien thing come to probe us all. What I do know is that becoming a thief and stealing this is something I’m seriously contemplating:

… the outfit, not the person. I also know it made me smile when Billy Crystal said this:

“Tonight, enjoy yourselves, because nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.”

That gets the Bureaucracy for Breakfast official and very important seal of approval! Anyhoo, if you do hear of this coral Louis Vuitton dress being mysteriously stolen please don’t tell anyone and just know that I am most likely hiding out in Mexico and wearing it to the local dive bars with pride!

Oh guess what...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:19:16 -0800

This is how the 1% sip their fine champagne! With pearls on their fingers and bows on their head, not a hair out of place… at least I think that’s what she’s doing. Could be some weird Bunuel type scenario but I’ll leave that up to you! Cheers!

vol XXV: Planes, trains and acute nervous breakdowns .....

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 08:37:15 -0800

…Or, how Anne Hathaway made me feel like a hobo!

“The snow was slushy and when it hit my face felt a wee bit like little daggers rather than puffy snowflakes. The wind pulled a Pacquiao on my $1 umbrella turning it inside out like a bowl…”

READ IT HERE

vol. XXIV: Artist Schmartist

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 10:21:34 -0800

New post! Dear Moneybags, Writers are People (with bills & expenses) Too…

“What is it with people having no problem throwing money at valet parking, tailors to hem their yoga pants, or cashmere toilet paper, but if you need some little creative person to actually create something for you? Peanuts…”

READ IT HERE!

For the lean times...

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:14:06 -0800

I’m broke, you’re broke, we’re all broke! We’re broker than 2 Broke Girls, but not as broke as that homeless lady that lives on the corner bus bench. We should give thanks. Still, during the lean times when it hits me that my student loans ain’t going away and my bank account ain’t bursting at the seams, I go to a dark place and tell myself, “Screw it, I’m just gonna go apply at Hooters.”

These ladies look pretty happy, right? I bet they go on vacays to Cabo with their tip money and spend all that money on sugary resort drinks. Who knows. I don’t. Yet. Even Brad Pitt spent time running around dressed as a fast food chicken or whatever. And look at him now! This is the land of opportunity so if we need to dress in Hooters outfits til the dream happens - so be it!

BUREAUCRACY word game!

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 13:04:38 -0800

I played a little word association game with some friends and asked what pops into their noggins when they hear the word BUREAUCRACY. The answers came back fast and furious - here they are! Comment with your own words if you wanna…

Time consuming, Cabinet, Stuffy, Government, Bullsh*t, Unnecessary Obstacles, Egomaniac, Unproductive, Red Tape, Headache, Congress, F*ckers, Lobbyist, Breakfast (teehee), The Man, White People, Suits, 1%, DMV, Grad School, Slow, Anonymous, Constructed Misery, Runaround, Automated, Complicated, Dreaded, Lines, Bullsh*t (again), UCLA, Forms, Rude, For Breakfast (teehee), USC, Hypocrisy, Corrupt as a Muthaf*cka, U.G.L.Y.

So there you have it! Everyone just loooves BUREAUCRACY.

vol XXIII: Patchouli vs Prada!!

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:17:50 -0800

New post! Saving the universe one luxury yacht at a time…

“Seriously people I’m not making this stuff up. I research it, like an anthropologist of excess…”

READ IT HERE

Not Bureaucracy just Beautiful

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:42:52 -0800

This really has nothing to do with bureaucracy but it’s so stunning y’all should read it. Maybe it’s the opposite of bureaucracy? In any case:

“It was a year when Frankie thought about the world. And she did not see it as a round school globe, with the countries neat and different colored. She thought of the world as huge and cracked and loose and turning a thousand miles an hour.” - Carson McCullers

Thanksgiving Playlist... b/c I ❤ you

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 13:26:00 -0800

Remember how fun 2010’s Thanksgiving playlist was? Yes/No/Maybe/Hell Yes? Well here’s a whole new batch of songs to keep you comfy and safe from bureaucracy this turkey day season!

DUM DUM GIRLS - Bedroom Eyes

PHANTOGRAM - When I’m Small

LITTLE DRAGON - Constant Surprises

M83 - We Own the Sky (old but good)

and the best of them all: SURPRISE!

Upshot of the Downturn

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 09:30:15 -0800

Maybe it’s just me but customer service peeps are being a hell of a lot nicer these days. AT&T ladies are joking around, being sweet and helpful; checkers at Ghetto Ralphs and Albertsons are all smiley and positive as if they’ve been drinking the Trader Joe’s Kool-Aid or something. Maybe it’s because they’re all just so damn happy to have a job. But whatever the reason - it’s a thing.

The most wonderful/bullsh*t time of the year!

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:00:59 -0800

Holiday season. It’s right around the corner. Christmas music and dreidels have muscled into our local drug stores, the pumpkin patch just closed down, and my confused and/or lazy neighbors still have their gigantic spider web and witch decorations out. Scary. People are out doing their holiday shopping. Oh, wait – never mind! No one is really doing holiday shopping, are they? Unless they’re in Bev Hills or the Hamptons or Paris something, right? I always wonder that when I’m forced to drive through the Rolls Royce bumper car jungle that is Beverly Hills: Who ARE these people loaded down with shopping bags? They’re not occupying Wall St, that’s for sure. More power to them and their $4,495.00 miniature crystal ladybug from Neiman Marcus. Really I mean it. The ladybug is pretty cute:

So unless you’re one of those cool-nerdy type people who can whip up a dozen crocheted Hello Kitty X-mas scarves for your BFFs or cook up some vegan truffle mint cupcakes and enjoy it, my advice for the broke, the weary, and the unemployed during this holiday season is simple: Holiday Parties. Get invited. Go. Drink Free Cocktails. Be Merry.

Holiday parties really can cheer a girl or guy up. It doesn’t have to be a super fancy soiree, but you can make it feel fancy by dressing up, wearing cute shoes, and forcing yourself to forget the loans and the rent and whatever else. Channel your inner Paris Hilton or Olson Twin (either one will do!) and then surround yourself with warm fuzzy free things and warm fuzzy people you love. For free!

New favorite thing...

Sun, 30 Oct 2011 20:14:46 -0700

For some reason the Trader Joe’s elevator at Sunset & Crescent Heights has an elevator plastered with old 70s album covers. My eyeballs landed on this one and it was like love at first sight. Or really strong like. Pretty cool image.

vol XXII: The age of entitlement

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 08:36:46 -0700

New post is out! We give those whiny litigious Hollywood interns a talking to, and look at what it’s really like to be a lowly intern in good old Hollywood. Take a peek!

READ IT HERE

vol. XXI: An open letter to the CEO of the Succubus

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 16:57:51 -0700

I’ve penned a plea to the Oz behind Sallie Mae. I’m sure he’ll totally read it and then restructure student loans and we’ll all be happy.

“You’re a stuffy businessman, not Liberace or Andre Leon Talley. Be careful dude…”

READ IT HERE!