Posts tagged unemployment humor

…Or, how Anne Hathaway made me feel like a hobo! 

“The snow was slushy and when it hit my face felt a wee bit like little daggers rather than puffy snowflakes. The wind pulled a Pacquiao on my $1 umbrella turning it inside out like a bowl…”

I played a little word association game with some friends and asked what pops into their noggins when they hear the word BUREAUCRACY. The answers came back fast and furious - here they are! Comment with your own words if you wanna…

Time consuming, Cabinet, Stuffy, Government, Bullsh*t, Unnecessary Obstacles, Egomaniac, Unproductive, Red Tape, Headache, Congress, F*ckers, Lobbyist, Breakfast (teehee), The Man, White People, Suits, 1%, DMV, Grad School, Slow, Anonymous, Constructed Misery, Runaround, Automated, Complicated, Dreaded, Lines, Bullsh*t (again), UCLA, Forms, Rude, For Breakfast (teehee), USC, Hypocrisy, Corrupt as a Muthaf*cka, U.G.L.Y.

So there you have it! Everyone just loooves BUREAUCRACY.

New post! Saving the universe one luxury yacht at a time…

“Seriously people I’m not making this stuff up. I research it, like an anthropologist of excess…”

READ IT HERE

Maybe it’s just me but customer service peeps are being a hell of a lot nicer these days. AT&T ladies are joking around, being sweet and helpful; checkers at Ghetto Ralphs and Albertsons are all smiley and positive as if they’ve been drinking the Trader Joe’s Kool-Aid or something. Maybe it’s because they’re all just so damn happy to have a job. But whatever the reason - it’s a thing.

Holiday season. It’s right around the corner. Christmas music and dreidels have muscled into our local drug stores, the pumpkin patch just closed down, and my confused and/or lazy neighbors still have their gigantic spider web and witch decorations out. Scary. People are out doing their holiday shopping. Oh, wait – never mind! No one is really doing holiday shopping, are they? Unless they’re in Bev Hills or the Hamptons or Paris something, right? I always wonder that when I’m forced to drive through the Rolls Royce bumper car jungle that is Beverly Hills: Who ARE these people loaded down with shopping bags? They’re not occupying Wall St, that’s for sure. More power to them and their $4,495.00 miniature crystal ladybug from Neiman Marcus. Really I mean it. The ladybug is pretty cute:

So unless you’re one of those cool-nerdy type people who can whip up a dozen crocheted Hello Kitty X-mas scarves for your BFFs or cook up some vegan truffle mint cupcakes and enjoy it, my advice for the broke, the weary, and the unemployed during this holiday season is simple: Holiday Parties. Get invited. Go. Drink Free Cocktails. Be Merry.

Holiday parties really can cheer a girl or guy up. It doesn’t have to be a super fancy soiree, but you can make it feel fancy by dressing up, wearing cute shoes, and forcing yourself to forget the loans and the rent and whatever else. Channel your inner Paris Hilton or Olson Twin (either one will do!) and then surround yourself with warm fuzzy free things and warm fuzzy people you love. For free!

For some reason the Trader Joe’s elevator at Sunset & Crescent Heights has an elevator plastered with old 70s album covers. My eyeballs landed on this one and it was like love at first sight. Or really strong like. Pretty cool image.

I’ve penned a plea to the Oz behind Sallie Mae. I’m sure he’ll totally read it and then restructure student loans and we’ll all be happy.

“You’re a stuffy businessman, not Liberace or Andre Leon Talley. Be careful dude…”

READ IT HERE!

See these ladies? All the stuff they have? They look so b-o-r-e-d, poor things. Maybe they’d be happier if they ditched the furs and the fancy crystal and hit up a happy hour for some $3 margaritas! Let’s discuss….

OK here is PART 1 of 2 about my adventure cage diving with SHARKS!

READ PART 1 HERE

illustration by Amy Saaed

I’m going shark cage diving… in a cage just. like. this.

“I’ve gotten myself into a pickle, all in the name of writing. And unemployment. And providing entertainment. Like a clown…”

LAUGH AT MY TERROR BY CLICKING HERE